I faced this question when my husband chose to end his life. To feel so desperate that life has no meaning, no desire to continue living. His one act overrode the life he had lived, the life we had built together, the impact on my children and grandchildren. When my life is over and God takes me home, I want to be remembered as someone who loved her God with all my heart, that was there for those I love unconditionally. To see the beauty in all things and lived life to the fullest. To live with no regrets of things unfinished, to take advantage of all God brings across my path.
Bev, my father committed suicide when I was 13 years old, so I have faced similar questions about life and the whys someone chooses to give up on life. For years, especially through my teenage years, I was very angry at my father for what he did to our family. Finally, years later, after I was married and had children of my own and had become a committed believer in Jesus Christ, I was able to forgive my father and feel nothing but love and compassion that he had reached such a place in his life of having no hope. I'm so thankful that I have hope, hope in this life and in the next. I love this poem because it underlines that we always have a choice in how we are to use this gift of life. We can be lazy and fearful and waste opportunities to use our lives for joy and good both for ourselves and others, or we can be courageous and positive and enjoy and live life to the fullest. As in Graham's poem, I can be both these people at times. This poem reminds me to choose life, to walk in faith and hope and joy and to love and serve others before myself. And like Lucinda and Delores said in their reply, to hear God the Father say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" as I return to my heavenly home. It sounds like you have chosen the path of faith and purpose, Bev. Praise God for His guidance and love!
Thank you for sharing. Suicide is so hard to explain to those who have never experienced being the one left to deal with the aftermath. I pray continually that my children can forgive their dad and live their lives full out.
I'm certain my mom prayed the same thing. God heard and answered her prayer. I know God hears your prayers too and is ministering to your children. Jesus promised that He is interceding for us. We can trust Him and give our children and all our concerns about them to Him.
Bev and Mary, I understand the pain, the questions, grief and blame. In my family it was not a parent and I was not a child. However I have spent years trying to comprehend the horrific suicide my cousin chose for himself. I still have so many questions which cannot be answered. At 21, with no known reason to his outside world including his immediate family he threw himself into the path of a train. The ramifications of that singular act resounded loudly in my family. I was very close to my cousin and have a deep sense of loss especially his loss of a life just starting. It is incomprehensible that he would feel such pain. But he did. He made a choice. I have always valued life and it’s adventures. Since then I feel even more strongly that there is another day for low points to move to the positive, the achievement and delight in even small things.
Sherry, in the many, many years since my father's death there have been some things I have come to understand . An all encompassing depression completely envelops the person who chooses to end their life & they see no way out. It may be because of circumstances, but often this depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, often, but not always, diagnosed as bipolar disorder. I believe my father was bipolar. He was a very gifted journalist but he suffered from bouts of depression. He grew up in a home where his mother suffered from depression. My father was prescribed medication later in his life for high blood pressure. This was a new drug (this was over 60 yrs ago!) and a new method of treatment. Unfortunately my father's depression grew worse and eventually he took his life. My mother learned 1 or 2 years later that this drug was taken off the market because of the side effect of depression, some cases leading to suicides. I think we need to be aware, especially in these very stressful times, that certain drugs both recreational and prescribed, can cause serious effects, especially for the very vulnerable because of other preexisting emotional and biological conditions. The antidote for me is my relationship with Jesus Christ as my Savior, and the knowledge that I am wonderfully and mysteriously made in the image of my Creator, that I am loved and valued and redeemed. Counseling with the right life affirming therapists is also very helpful and important. No one need suffer alone.
Yes Mary. I have been aware of especially the influence of bipolar disorder. And in fact regarding my cousin, his grandfather had also committed suicide (by hanging himself) in his 70’s! He definitely had that diagnosis and exhibited the pronounced symptoms for decades befor the label was attached. He went through electrical shock treatments and the like. That diagnosis is said to have a DNA hereditary factor.
But of course we will never know. Not too many years ago and often now as well there is a dearth of help for people suffering from mental diseases. So sad. 💜🙏🏻
Yes, there is so much awareness and help now. It breaks my heart that there wasn't help for my dad. He missed so much~celebrations of birthdays, engagements, weddings and grandchildren. Our family is very aware of the hereditary factor. So far some tendency toward depression but nothing more serious. I do think we all are more compasionate toward those who struggle and/or are mentally ill. Thanks for listening and responding to my story, Sherry. God's blessings to you.❤
Thanks for your story, Bev. It's so hard to imagine how desperately sad or hopeless someone must be to want to end their life. I admire you for not letting your husband's passing to take you down the road of despair, but to use it to, in your words, "see the beauty in all things and live life to the fullest, etc". I hope your journey continues to bring you peace, happiness, and all good things of a life well lived.
This was so powerful - your poem and the exercise. I haven't spent a lot of time picturing those moments at the end of my life and it was emotional. As I often do now, I wrote my own poem. It's called "The Final Magic Painting" and the feeling is complete fulfillment. I'm not sure how I will be remembered, but I know how I hope to feel when my earthly time clock ticks off those last hours and moments. Graham, thanks for the reminder to live each day in a way that leaves behind no regrets but peace and joy in a life well lived.
When I was young like you Graham, I wasn't thinking about my own death. You are so much more evolved than most your age. I saw my Mom die when I was 33 and Dad die 11 years later. I looked around at 44 and saw that I was now the oldest in my immediate family. I was next to go, right?
I left this world in 2017. Just turned 65. Heart attack then cardiac arrest. Unexpected of course as heart attacks are. No time to reflect on my life then. No one held my hand. I was gone. I went to a peaceful and calm place. And then I came back with a jolt. A second chance to clean up some things and to make sure I savor the moments I have from this day forward.
Now on this side once again I've had plenty of time to see my life. Almost 5 years now.
Plenty of time to adjust some attitudes, priorities, outlooks. Plenty of time to look back at the joys, the sorrows, the wins and losses in my life so far. All the patches that make up our life's quilt. Not everything is pretty but most of it was and is amazing! It has been a good life and I get to live the rest of it with joy and purpose....knowing when I go back to that other side peace is waiting once again.
Barb thanks for sharing personal moments on both sides and the quilt metaphor for me is translated into an afghan my aunt made for me 39 years ago and it still sit so my bed! She is 93 now and I remind her every time we talk of the legacy we leave for others that we love.
My Nana also made afghans. We all had some of them as well as the little Christmas stocking ornaments she made for the tree. Every year we all put up those stockings with our initials crocheted carefully on the top and we think of her. Those special reminders of our loved ones in such a small way keeps their memories alive in us.
Barbara, I have left this world twice and brought back. This life has been full of lessons and second chances. I know without a doubt what waits and I am here to keep learning and teaching. I am Here to serve, and be the most god loving human I can be. Dying changes you in ways that cannot be spoken but can be rolemodeled. God bless you Sister!
Oh Connie I also left this world twice. We surely are sisters in this. Someday we should share our experience with each other. I've never talked to anyone else who went through the same thing. As you I have no doubt of what waits. Thank you Connie so much for reaching out. I'll catch you on the chat one day and we can exchange contact info. Blessings to you my friend.
Another beautiful story Barbara. I feel fortunate that I have never experienced any life threatening health issues in my live . I am grateful that it all turned out good for you.
It was a blessing in a way. It affirmed to me that overwhelming peace I experienced going through that tunnel toward the light is not be be feared. It somehow gave me a "sneak peak" into what comes after death. I can share that it is a complete and magnificent peace and calm.
I love your metaphor of life as a quilt. My Grandmother would have loved it too as she was a life long quilter. She spent many hours taking tiny pieces that seemed like insignificant multi colored scraps, and making them into a beautiful picture when all the pieces were finally present.
My prayers are with your Mom and you as you face this crisis today.
Thank you for telling me about your Grandmother and her quilting. I have always been in awe of the beautiful creations that come from scraps being joined in just the right way with care and purpose of creating a masterpiece. Take care and God Bless.
What a powerful ,inspiring and beautifully written poem. As I read this poem today I feel very moved and emotional as today marks six months since my father passed away. I have really struggled the past months because I wasn’t there to hold his hand when he died in a different country, I loved him so much and really miss him . I haven’t pictured how my last moments will be so I will be doing your exercise, but one thing is for sure I want to be surrounded by my loved ones. . Thanks Graham for the reminder to live each day to the fullest with no regrets. Many blessings!🙏♥️
I'm so sorry Irene that you couldn't be with your dad. Covid has caused so many people to miss being with their loved ones at the end. I pray that your mum can be with you soon. You have a good heart Irene & I know that you will never be alone. 🙏💖
Very passionate and sensitive poem Graham I could definitely hear and see the emotion in you as you read it for me it brought back memories of my husband I was very young when I married him he was older than me and I really didn’t have his innate wisdom so to speak I still needed to grow mentally but he let me shine all I can say he put up with a lot my regrets after he passed where … did I love him enough and show it everyday when I say this I loved him very much he was my life but did I show it enough to him one day when I knew he wasn’t well I said to him I don’t want to loose you your my life to build your world around someone you loose sight of yourself but after he passed I had too take a leap of faith and jump out of my comfort zone and definitely have a new appreciation and gratitude for my life this poem was very heavy it brought back many regrets and bad choices I’ve made in my life and one personal one that I won’t mention here but carry in my heart❤️
Please be gentle with yourself dear Halina. Thanks for sharing your story with us. These thoughts are difficult but necessary for us to grow. We are all a flower of sorts, right? With love and nurture we bloom and flourish!
You are a very strong and brave person Halina. I know it is sometimes difficult to share our personal stories. Be gentle with and take care of yourself. I didn’t know your husband but I’ll bet he knew how much you love him. ❤️❤️
Wow, Graham, this makes me think of something I faced a little over 2 years ago. I took a good hard look at my life then. I had a lot of regrets and resentment, but to be honest, these thoughts were self-manipulated. Before this, I went through several months of anxiety and depression. I never waivered in my faith in Jesus Christ, but I still doubted myself, etc. I isolated myself and really didn't like what I had become. Then came November 16, 2019, which was one of the most memorable and defining days of my life. It was the day that my life changed for the better. I'm looking at two pictures on my phone right now as I'm writing this which defines this day. They are two pictures of two rainbows both taken on the same day about three hours apart. I held resentment towards my mother which was self manipulated on my part. I made a decision that day to let go of this, but to do so, I had to ask God to forgive me, and I also had to forgive myself. For symbolic reasons, I traveled to my hometown that day to my parents' grave sight. Before I got on the interstate, in the very distance that I was going to travel was a low beautiful rainbow. I stopped and took a picture. I immediately asked God, am I truly doing the right thing. I felt that gentle tug on my heart that said yes. I continued the journey to my destination. I stood there at my parents' graves and asked God to please forgive me and please help to forgive myself. I felt like God heard my plea and prayer. I wasn't totally sure if God heard, but I felt like he did. Needless to say when I pulled into my subdivision about three hours later, God answered that prayer. There was the most beautiful high arching rainbow over my entire subdivision. I have the same tears right now writing this as I did then. I've never experienced anything so monumental or an answer to prayer from God like this ever before. This was a major step for me in letting go of the resentment and living the life that I believe God intended for me. When I picture myself myself now, my only regret would be not doing this sooner, but this is all in God's timing. Since then, I can honestly say my faith in Jesus Christ is so much stronger and finally I am living life to the fullest as God directs me. I am happy and even when there are struggles or challenges in life, I just go back to those two pictures and remember that day! If I was ever asked the Magic Painting question, it would have to be the picture of the high arching rainbow. It represents peace, loving myself, and appreciating everything that God has blessed me in my life. I love the colors in a rainbow.
It's not easy for me to share this, and I hope maybe someone can find encouragement when reading this.
Thanks again Graham for inspiring me to come out of my comfort zone and share with this community. You are an inspiration, and I could definitely see how much this poem meant to you. Blessings to everyone.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Anne. How awesome that God confirmed your decision to let go of your resentment and forgive yourself with not one, but two rainbows. (I don't thing they were coincidental!) The first rainbow given by God in the Bible was to Noah after the flood to renew God's commitment to man. When I gave my heart to Jesus at a Billy Graham crusade in 1972 in Dallas Texas, a rainbow appeared over the Cotton Bowl Stadium where we were having a service in the rain! I don't think that rainbow was coincidental either and it has become a symbol of God's grace and love for me. Maybe when it's time for us to pass on, God will place a rainbow for our families to see so they know all is well with us and we are with our Heavenly Father. Thanks again for your story!
Jody, thank you so much for your words of wisdom and comfort. It truly had to be from God and not coincidental. I can honestly say that I've never experienced anything like this before. I love Billy Graham and so glad that you found Jesus at one of his crusades and that rainbow definitely was a symbol of God's grace. That's why that picture of the high arching rainbow is my Magic Painting.
I definitely think God talks to us -- in extraordinary ways. I call them "God Winks." (like when someone winks at you for reassurance -- to say everything is ok) We just have to watch & listen... I'm glad you saw Him in the rainbows.
We all must leave our comfort zone to face our fears, our shortcomings, our relationships that were unsatisfactory or unfulfilled but by doing so we are healing ourselves as well as healing others that we feel we may have hurt or wronged in some way
You are so right! Forgiveness is very hard for one to do, but it is so needed. Fortunately, my mother and I had a great relationship, but those feelings were the ones that I imposed on myself. It's a healing process.
Thank you, Anne, for sharing your beautiful story. You have helped me to remember to let go of resentments, that God is a God who forgives and restores and promises new hope every day. God bless you anew today.
Mary - thank you so much! If this gives one person encouragement, that blesses my heart so much! You brought so much joy to my heart just now. You were an answer to my prayer today! To be used by God to brighten someone's day is what is all about to me! To be used for his honor and glory! May God bless you today and in the coming years!
Graham, welcome into my heart. Last year with encouragement from you and Lynette (you both nudged me without knowing) I signed up for an online writing class that was based on writing and healing. As I approached the end of the class, I was also nearing the anniversary of my husbands death. In my deep stillness I re-lived his Final Six Days. Each of those last six days, I traveled back 8 years and allowed myself to see all the preciousness. My faith has been forever changed. I do not fear death because Jesus showed me so much glory as I walked that path with my husband. I was a guest at the party, so much revealed as we were surrounded by Glory, as I felt him ascending and felt and heard spirits welcome him. Thank you for encouraging me to look within. I have been cracked open the past few days, no words and utter stillness, I needed your message today, a gentle nudge. I will walk those days again, (Beginning March 21) not writing it, but reliving it. I know that I am suppose to share the experience, the written word. The pages are my sacred tablets. We never know how our words will affect another. Today, you were my messenger. My final days?…I will breathe in eternal life as Chuck arrives to escort me on the chrome go cart he built in his final day. (Part of the story) I guess, I would have said that I want to be surrounded by loved ones, but I have been shown that will happen. I think it is time to share my story. It is time to day by day, walk it with others. WHOSH! Thank you, dear one, as today our spirits aligned, nothing is coincidence. Awesome! Peace! Glory! Joy! Today, God sent a messenger, forever I Thank you!❤️❤️ God, Jesus and their Band of Angels love and protect us! TODAY AND ALWAYS!
Oh Connie you’ve got me crying! The image of Chuck escorting you home is so beautiful! How blessed you are to have known such ❤️. I have a band of loved ones waiting for me. Two Grandmothers, Two Grandfathers, 5 precious great Aunts, and my Aunt and Uncle who had the most beautiful and tragic love story I’ve ever heard. But it’s not the same. If I am to ever meet my other half, I pray they will be the one to go first when its time. I would rather shoulder the burden of being alone again than to cause them that pain. Love you to the moon and back Connie ❤️
Sweet Aimee! I know you are one of God’s favorites! Thank you for being there to so honestly share without judgement. It is not coincidence that our hearts have come together. I indeed love you to the moon and back - aliens and all!❤️❤️❤️
One night the call came. The phone rang. Almost missed it. Put the phone to my ear. She talked. Slurred. Was this my mother? For a sliver of a second I questioned. Then it was over. It was she.
I struggled to understand the words denying any problem…. But I knew. With my other phone in hand I called to get an ambulance. Rushed to arrange a sitter. Drove the hour to get there.
The doctors said many things. Even now it’s a blur. Brain bleed. Massive stroke. Can’t move. Can’t talk. Can’t breath. Can’t eat. Might choke. Parade of white, green, blue unknowns in and out of the room.
Swarms of people saying many words the brain could not process. Needs a feeding tube. Can’t sit, stand, vacate bladder and more, more, more for many days…head swirling and confused not wanting to know but needing to know and hating to know.
Finally, no more hospital permitted -rush to find supportive nursing, translation: death watch. Wanting to talk. So much to say and no response from the woman who bore me, nourished me, cuddled me, loved me. Nothing but stare and struggle. My heart hurt.
Transferred to the death chamber never to emerge. Months by the bedside hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month. Infection after infection. On the cliff waiting. Then back again to more…waiting.
Talked. Read. Held hands. Cried. Hour after hour nothing else— not work left incomplete, not child left with sitters, not anything, just her and me marching to the inevitable.
One day, stop the antibiotics. This is not what she wants. Dignity is hers and it should not be prolonged. Decision to honor not hold on. She wills that though wordless, with her eyes. Needing to go though loving in grace.
Courage, strength, love, appreciation all allowed me to let go. This is not goodbye. This is know how I respect you. Know how much gratitude I have for the gifts of life and love you gave to me. Know I am with you and give you the gift of peace and release. Know that I LOVE YOU- to my mother.
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These were my immediate thoughts after reading your poem today Graham. My mother passed peacefully the ultimate gift I gave to her was not to kero her alive for me. 💜🙏🏻
You have helped many people today with your story today I'm sure Sherry. These decisions are crushing and contrasting to what we believe love is. You gave your Mom the ultimate gift of love. Amen.
Thank you Barbara. It took me a long time to forgive myself. Children should not have to decide such matters but really who else can? I did come to realize that I acted upon what I believed my mother would have wanted. Even though she couldn’t talk her eyes were pleading. Thank you for your words today. 💜🙏🏻
You so beautifully expressed your struggle as you released your mother to God and lovingly let her go. You will see her again and I know she will thank you for loving her so.
Thank you Mary. There are just a few pivotal moments in our lives when the impossible choices must be made. It was a torturous process both during and after. I appreciate you reaching out to me. I love this community. We are blessed. 💜🙏🏻
This poem hit me so hard this morning. Six years ago in June, my husband who had had Lou Gehrig's Disease for 6 years chose to go off the Ventilator. Knowing that his life would be ended, I will always feel he did it for me, to give me back a life. On that warm day in June, he laid in that bed here in our home, while our 3 adult children and 2 Hospice nurses looked on. He held my hand and I gripped on to his as he had no use of his limbs. They gave him the first of the morphine. They removed the ventilator. His eyes pierced mine and he just kept staring at me. His body fought the morphine, refusing to give up. I just kept asking if he was changing his mind, did he truly want to go off the vent. The nurses said that while it appeared he was watching me, he had too much medicine in his body to really know. I will always remember his last look at me, just staring at me. Graham, this was a tough one for me. Your poems always seem to hit so close to home. I know you were thinking of this a little differently than I was.
Such a hard decision for you to make to honor his wishes because of the finality of it all. Bless you for loving him so and having such courage. He knew you loved him, and he wanted his last picture here on earth to be of you.
God Love You Donna! I signed many DNR’s. My guy gave me the greatest gift, as yours did. They took the decision away from us, the choice was theirs. Blessings and peace to you!❤️
Hi Donna you have so much strength. When he was looking at you he knew right then he could see you. It’s those times when he knew it was time to go and you would be ok. God works in ways we can’t comprehend. You will see him again I just know it.
I have thought about the end of my life many times. How it will be when I close my eyes in the death. It is different for a Christian because you know where you are going. I believe that the moment your soul leaves your body you are in the presence of the Lord. I use to be afraid of dying and I didn't want to talk about it. Because it was something I didn't want to do. But now that I have this close relationship with the Lord I am no longer afraid. I know that I am going home and I will be at peace for eternity.l think about heaven and how much better I will be when I get there! Because there will no more sickness, no more death, no more pain, no more suffering, no more sorrow. It will be a perfect place. I think about what makes me happy down here and I multiply that x 10 and that is how much better that will be.
When that time comes the Lord will be with me and I know that he will because he promised. Life is like a vapor. Think about that!! Thank you Graham for this wonderful poem! It was very inspiring and made me think about my life and what it means to me. I love life and I want to enjoy it to the fullest!!! Like you said we don't know how long we have on this earth. So I want to spend as much time doing things I love and being with my family. I want to ask you a question. If you knew that you only had 24 hours left on this earth how would you spend it? I was asked that question once. My answer was I would spend it talking to God and telling my family how much I love them. I would tell them to not cry or be sad, to remember me with laughter. God bless you Graham. You inspire me so much and I look forward to getting your poems each week!! Love you Graham for all that you do!!!! 😊❤😇🥰
This was a very inspiring and beautiful writing. The second part open my floodgates and the tears flowed freely as I remembered my mother on The day she died. I was the youngest of six children and we had all been called to the hospital to say our goodbyes. We were all there except for one of us who had already passed many years ago, and we were crowded around her bed. I had always remembered one thing my mother had said to me growing up, love your Life And the live each day as it would be your last day. Have no regrets. And I remembered all of this as we were all crowded around her bed. Everyone left for a bite to eat except for me and my oldest brother and he was standing at the foot of her bed. My mother looked at me, called me by my name and told me I had been a good daughter. Then she looked at me and told me she had seen my dad(my dad had died 30 years prior to this time). And after this comment to me, she was gone. She lived to be 97 and she had been a wonderful woman and mother.
I hope that someday when my time Is over on this earth, that my children, grandchildren, and great grands and all my many friends will feel the same way about me.
Thank you so much for helping me remember a very good memory. You are a blessing to so many of us for such a young age that you are. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and we are all so blessed to call you friend and to learn and grow from you and your teachings.
Thank you Graham for this beautiful and very powerful poem. It takes me back to when my father passed away and also my mom. They were both surrounded by family and knew they were very much loved. I’ll always remember my father saying “I have lived wonderful life and I have no regrets”. They were both denied living to an old age. That’s why I never complain about getting older, maybe having grey hair or aches and pains, or whatever the case maybe. I’m only grateful to be here and to have my family close by. I can only hope when it’s my time to leave this world, I will have my family at my side and I can say “I have no regrets”.
A lovely story. I'm sorry for your loss. When my parents died, I thought a lot about my mortality. I think this could be a normal way to feel. I'm sure you're making the most of your life. All the best
Sorry for writing a novel, but there’s a purpose, I promise.
My Dad passed away on April 6, 2008. His only regret in life was getting sick and leaving us. His last coherent words were “You know, I never really did want to die.”
The world seemed slated against this man from the very beginning. From a young age he was bullied in horrible ways by others and by his older sister. He was forced to wear casts on his legs to correct issues with the tendons in his legs. At around 5 or 6 he dug a massive underground bunker and contracted a rare disease from the earth that almost killed him.
At a young age he joined a biker gang there in California. He also joined the military and went to Vietnam. I’m not entirely sure which of these came first.
He later married, and had a son. After an awful divorce, he was forced to give up his son for adoption. The mother didn’t want John and Dad knew he couldn’t give my brother the life he deserved. Dad couldn’t afford to feed himself on a mechanics salary, let alone a child. He never stopped loving John or looking for him.
Dad later met Mom. It was love at first sight, but Dad eventually ran. He was terrified after all he had been through. They ran into each other again 5 years down the road. Married on the flip of a coin, a coin my Dad learned to manipulate years before. He chose without choosing I suppose. The rest is my history…
I think about Dad the night he died. I wonder if he was remembering all his grand adventures, the good and the bad. He stared blankly at the wall and seemed to be listening to a voice only he could hear. We held his hand that night at 3am as he slipped away. He died way too young, but he lived the life he wanted to. He took chances, opened his heart despite fear and pain from his past. His only regret was something completely out of his hands.
That’s where I want to be in the end. I’m grateful to be out of my prison now before its too late. To start anew with an open mind and an open heart. My past is there, lingering a bit but it is a pale shadow of its former self and fading more each day. I’m just waiting on Gods’s timing and resting in HIS arms. I see myself in my last moments of a life well lived surrounded by my children and their children. Everyone gathered to bid their Lita goodbye. I would be at peace and completely ready. No regrets beyond leaving my loved ones behind because I lived the life I wanted and took the leap despite the fear. I would hope my soulmate would be waiting to walk me home just on the other side. To leave this world happy and at peace would make it all worth it.
Graham, I’m definitely going to write my own version of your poem. Thank you for that permission and for sharing your balance scale with us. Going to be thinking on this a lot 💚
Not everyone with your Dad's story has the same outcome of loved ones holding their hand at the end. He was able to make his "quilt" beautiful despite the torn and ragged pieces used to make it. He had whole beautiful patches to keep them together. May he rest in peace. Thanks Aimee for sharing.
Aimee: you are full of joy and an irresistible sense of humor. Your father had a part in that I’m sure. Your story is poignant. What you’ve taken and learned from that will inform your future! I know from my personal experience I talked about in my comments here that being raw is so cathartic. I wrote my poem as you will pouring your heart onto the page. 💜🙏🏻
What a beautiful share! I was there with my dad during his last hours, not even 6 months ago. I wonder what he was thinking. It was a blessing to be with him.
It was a blessing to be with my Dad as well when he passed. They called us in about 1am and I sped across town. I’ve never seen the roads as empty as they were that night.
Beautiful Graham and so thought provoking. As I come up on the two year anniversary of my husband's death, I am still amazed how friends and family comment on what a good person he was. He was fun, always thinking of others, always being positive. He did not waste time on gossiping or putting down others. He was always happy and always looking for ways to make me and our kids happy. I loved him, I miss him and now realize I want to be remembered like him.
They say the measure of a persons life here in this left is how they are remembered. Your memories of your husband and those of others are of all the very attributes he had which brought joy and delight into the lives of those he cared about. How wonderful! He is remembered in love as he lived in love. 💜🙏🏻
Graham, all I can say for now is that was a beautiful emotional poem. You are such a deep thinker, you always amaze me. At the point I am in my life now I realize I have lived more years than I have left to live. I try not to dwell on that fact , but it does creep into my mind at times. I live my life to the fullest and I thank God for good health and great family. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life. We never know when God will need us we just live one day at a time. REMEMBER none of us are promised tomorrow. Make the best of TODAY!!!! I absolutely love your work Graham. All or us here are grateful to have you in our lives. THANK YOU!!❤❤
I faced this question when my husband chose to end his life. To feel so desperate that life has no meaning, no desire to continue living. His one act overrode the life he had lived, the life we had built together, the impact on my children and grandchildren. When my life is over and God takes me home, I want to be remembered as someone who loved her God with all my heart, that was there for those I love unconditionally. To see the beauty in all things and lived life to the fullest. To live with no regrets of things unfinished, to take advantage of all God brings across my path.
Bev, my father committed suicide when I was 13 years old, so I have faced similar questions about life and the whys someone chooses to give up on life. For years, especially through my teenage years, I was very angry at my father for what he did to our family. Finally, years later, after I was married and had children of my own and had become a committed believer in Jesus Christ, I was able to forgive my father and feel nothing but love and compassion that he had reached such a place in his life of having no hope. I'm so thankful that I have hope, hope in this life and in the next. I love this poem because it underlines that we always have a choice in how we are to use this gift of life. We can be lazy and fearful and waste opportunities to use our lives for joy and good both for ourselves and others, or we can be courageous and positive and enjoy and live life to the fullest. As in Graham's poem, I can be both these people at times. This poem reminds me to choose life, to walk in faith and hope and joy and to love and serve others before myself. And like Lucinda and Delores said in their reply, to hear God the Father say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" as I return to my heavenly home. It sounds like you have chosen the path of faith and purpose, Bev. Praise God for His guidance and love!
Thank you for sharing. Suicide is so hard to explain to those who have never experienced being the one left to deal with the aftermath. I pray continually that my children can forgive their dad and live their lives full out.
I'm certain my mom prayed the same thing. God heard and answered her prayer. I know God hears your prayers too and is ministering to your children. Jesus promised that He is interceding for us. We can trust Him and give our children and all our concerns about them to Him.
And to hear job well done from The Father. What a lovely reply to this beautiful poem.
Agreed Lucinda. My ultimate goal of this life is to hear God say "well done, good and faithful servant".
I agree with you ladies. Let's live to love and be loved by people and our Father. God bless ❤
Bev and Mary, I understand the pain, the questions, grief and blame. In my family it was not a parent and I was not a child. However I have spent years trying to comprehend the horrific suicide my cousin chose for himself. I still have so many questions which cannot be answered. At 21, with no known reason to his outside world including his immediate family he threw himself into the path of a train. The ramifications of that singular act resounded loudly in my family. I was very close to my cousin and have a deep sense of loss especially his loss of a life just starting. It is incomprehensible that he would feel such pain. But he did. He made a choice. I have always valued life and it’s adventures. Since then I feel even more strongly that there is another day for low points to move to the positive, the achievement and delight in even small things.
Sherry, in the many, many years since my father's death there have been some things I have come to understand . An all encompassing depression completely envelops the person who chooses to end their life & they see no way out. It may be because of circumstances, but often this depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, often, but not always, diagnosed as bipolar disorder. I believe my father was bipolar. He was a very gifted journalist but he suffered from bouts of depression. He grew up in a home where his mother suffered from depression. My father was prescribed medication later in his life for high blood pressure. This was a new drug (this was over 60 yrs ago!) and a new method of treatment. Unfortunately my father's depression grew worse and eventually he took his life. My mother learned 1 or 2 years later that this drug was taken off the market because of the side effect of depression, some cases leading to suicides. I think we need to be aware, especially in these very stressful times, that certain drugs both recreational and prescribed, can cause serious effects, especially for the very vulnerable because of other preexisting emotional and biological conditions. The antidote for me is my relationship with Jesus Christ as my Savior, and the knowledge that I am wonderfully and mysteriously made in the image of my Creator, that I am loved and valued and redeemed. Counseling with the right life affirming therapists is also very helpful and important. No one need suffer alone.
Yes Mary. I have been aware of especially the influence of bipolar disorder. And in fact regarding my cousin, his grandfather had also committed suicide (by hanging himself) in his 70’s! He definitely had that diagnosis and exhibited the pronounced symptoms for decades befor the label was attached. He went through electrical shock treatments and the like. That diagnosis is said to have a DNA hereditary factor.
But of course we will never know. Not too many years ago and often now as well there is a dearth of help for people suffering from mental diseases. So sad. 💜🙏🏻
Yes, there is so much awareness and help now. It breaks my heart that there wasn't help for my dad. He missed so much~celebrations of birthdays, engagements, weddings and grandchildren. Our family is very aware of the hereditary factor. So far some tendency toward depression but nothing more serious. I do think we all are more compasionate toward those who struggle and/or are mentally ill. Thanks for listening and responding to my story, Sherry. God's blessings to you.❤
Sometimes the road is difficult, but God always goes with us.
Thanks for your story, Bev. It's so hard to imagine how desperately sad or hopeless someone must be to want to end their life. I admire you for not letting your husband's passing to take you down the road of despair, but to use it to, in your words, "see the beauty in all things and live life to the fullest, etc". I hope your journey continues to bring you peace, happiness, and all good things of a life well lived.
This was so powerful - your poem and the exercise. I haven't spent a lot of time picturing those moments at the end of my life and it was emotional. As I often do now, I wrote my own poem. It's called "The Final Magic Painting" and the feeling is complete fulfillment. I'm not sure how I will be remembered, but I know how I hope to feel when my earthly time clock ticks off those last hours and moments. Graham, thanks for the reminder to live each day in a way that leaves behind no regrets but peace and joy in a life well lived.
Friends here are not to be looked at less than valuable. We see in part and look forward to continue these friendships.
I agree, Lucinda. Each and every one are valued in God's eyes and mine.
That's right, let's live without regrets and without fear paralyzing us.
Amen to that!
We all need to remember to value our time here. I know that I value your friendship, Cathey. 💖🙏
For me a fulfilled life is all about relationship. I value mine with you! ❤
Thank you Cathey. I feel very honoured. 💖🙏
Cathey you have a unique way of expressing yourself and how the thoughts of others impact our earthly world!
Well, thanks! Can only credit God with my giftings. :)
When I was young like you Graham, I wasn't thinking about my own death. You are so much more evolved than most your age. I saw my Mom die when I was 33 and Dad die 11 years later. I looked around at 44 and saw that I was now the oldest in my immediate family. I was next to go, right?
I left this world in 2017. Just turned 65. Heart attack then cardiac arrest. Unexpected of course as heart attacks are. No time to reflect on my life then. No one held my hand. I was gone. I went to a peaceful and calm place. And then I came back with a jolt. A second chance to clean up some things and to make sure I savor the moments I have from this day forward.
Now on this side once again I've had plenty of time to see my life. Almost 5 years now.
Plenty of time to adjust some attitudes, priorities, outlooks. Plenty of time to look back at the joys, the sorrows, the wins and losses in my life so far. All the patches that make up our life's quilt. Not everything is pretty but most of it was and is amazing! It has been a good life and I get to live the rest of it with joy and purpose....knowing when I go back to that other side peace is waiting once again.
Barb thanks for sharing personal moments on both sides and the quilt metaphor for me is translated into an afghan my aunt made for me 39 years ago and it still sit so my bed! She is 93 now and I remind her every time we talk of the legacy we leave for others that we love.
My Nana also made afghans. We all had some of them as well as the little Christmas stocking ornaments she made for the tree. Every year we all put up those stockings with our initials crocheted carefully on the top and we think of her. Those special reminders of our loved ones in such a small way keeps their memories alive in us.
This was beautiful Barbara. As Aimee below, life as a quilt reminded me of my Grandmother also as I have several of her quilts. Life is so precious.
What's so nice about that Anne is that you see your grandmother every time you look at her quilt. What a beautiful way to remember a life!
That is so true! I have them displayed in my house on a quilt rack. Thank you!
Barbara, I have left this world twice and brought back. This life has been full of lessons and second chances. I know without a doubt what waits and I am here to keep learning and teaching. I am Here to serve, and be the most god loving human I can be. Dying changes you in ways that cannot be spoken but can be rolemodeled. God bless you Sister!
Oh Connie I also left this world twice. We surely are sisters in this. Someday we should share our experience with each other. I've never talked to anyone else who went through the same thing. As you I have no doubt of what waits. Thank you Connie so much for reaching out. I'll catch you on the chat one day and we can exchange contact info. Blessings to you my friend.
Thank you so much for sharing Barb. This is beautiful and I love the use of a quilt to describe our lives. ❤️
Another beautiful story Barbara. I feel fortunate that I have never experienced any life threatening health issues in my live . I am grateful that it all turned out good for you.
It was a blessing in a way. It affirmed to me that overwhelming peace I experienced going through that tunnel toward the light is not be be feared. It somehow gave me a "sneak peak" into what comes after death. I can share that it is a complete and magnificent peace and calm.
I love your metaphor of life as a quilt. My Grandmother would have loved it too as she was a life long quilter. She spent many hours taking tiny pieces that seemed like insignificant multi colored scraps, and making them into a beautiful picture when all the pieces were finally present.
My prayers are with your Mom and you as you face this crisis today.
Thank you for telling me about your Grandmother and her quilting. I have always been in awe of the beautiful creations that come from scraps being joined in just the right way with care and purpose of creating a masterpiece. Take care and God Bless.
❤️❤️ Thank you❤️❤️
What a powerful ,inspiring and beautifully written poem. As I read this poem today I feel very moved and emotional as today marks six months since my father passed away. I have really struggled the past months because I wasn’t there to hold his hand when he died in a different country, I loved him so much and really miss him . I haven’t pictured how my last moments will be so I will be doing your exercise, but one thing is for sure I want to be surrounded by my loved ones. . Thanks Graham for the reminder to live each day to the fullest with no regrets. Many blessings!🙏♥️
I'm so sorry Irene that you couldn't be with your dad. Covid has caused so many people to miss being with their loved ones at the end. I pray that your mum can be with you soon. You have a good heart Irene & I know that you will never be alone. 🙏💖
Thank You Christine :)
I'm sorry. Your dad rests in peace and his memory will always be with you.
🙏♥️
Very passionate and sensitive poem Graham I could definitely hear and see the emotion in you as you read it for me it brought back memories of my husband I was very young when I married him he was older than me and I really didn’t have his innate wisdom so to speak I still needed to grow mentally but he let me shine all I can say he put up with a lot my regrets after he passed where … did I love him enough and show it everyday when I say this I loved him very much he was my life but did I show it enough to him one day when I knew he wasn’t well I said to him I don’t want to loose you your my life to build your world around someone you loose sight of yourself but after he passed I had too take a leap of faith and jump out of my comfort zone and definitely have a new appreciation and gratitude for my life this poem was very heavy it brought back many regrets and bad choices I’ve made in my life and one personal one that I won’t mention here but carry in my heart❤️
Please be gentle with yourself dear Halina. Thanks for sharing your story with us. These thoughts are difficult but necessary for us to grow. We are all a flower of sorts, right? With love and nurture we bloom and flourish!
Be kind to yourself, Halina. The choices you made were probably the best choices at that moment in your life. You learned from it...✨
You are a very strong and brave person Halina. I know it is sometimes difficult to share our personal stories. Be gentle with and take care of yourself. I didn’t know your husband but I’ll bet he knew how much you love him. ❤️❤️
Take care & make sure you look after yourself. 🙏💖
Wow, Graham, this makes me think of something I faced a little over 2 years ago. I took a good hard look at my life then. I had a lot of regrets and resentment, but to be honest, these thoughts were self-manipulated. Before this, I went through several months of anxiety and depression. I never waivered in my faith in Jesus Christ, but I still doubted myself, etc. I isolated myself and really didn't like what I had become. Then came November 16, 2019, which was one of the most memorable and defining days of my life. It was the day that my life changed for the better. I'm looking at two pictures on my phone right now as I'm writing this which defines this day. They are two pictures of two rainbows both taken on the same day about three hours apart. I held resentment towards my mother which was self manipulated on my part. I made a decision that day to let go of this, but to do so, I had to ask God to forgive me, and I also had to forgive myself. For symbolic reasons, I traveled to my hometown that day to my parents' grave sight. Before I got on the interstate, in the very distance that I was going to travel was a low beautiful rainbow. I stopped and took a picture. I immediately asked God, am I truly doing the right thing. I felt that gentle tug on my heart that said yes. I continued the journey to my destination. I stood there at my parents' graves and asked God to please forgive me and please help to forgive myself. I felt like God heard my plea and prayer. I wasn't totally sure if God heard, but I felt like he did. Needless to say when I pulled into my subdivision about three hours later, God answered that prayer. There was the most beautiful high arching rainbow over my entire subdivision. I have the same tears right now writing this as I did then. I've never experienced anything so monumental or an answer to prayer from God like this ever before. This was a major step for me in letting go of the resentment and living the life that I believe God intended for me. When I picture myself myself now, my only regret would be not doing this sooner, but this is all in God's timing. Since then, I can honestly say my faith in Jesus Christ is so much stronger and finally I am living life to the fullest as God directs me. I am happy and even when there are struggles or challenges in life, I just go back to those two pictures and remember that day! If I was ever asked the Magic Painting question, it would have to be the picture of the high arching rainbow. It represents peace, loving myself, and appreciating everything that God has blessed me in my life. I love the colors in a rainbow.
It's not easy for me to share this, and I hope maybe someone can find encouragement when reading this.
Thanks again Graham for inspiring me to come out of my comfort zone and share with this community. You are an inspiration, and I could definitely see how much this poem meant to you. Blessings to everyone.
Something about November 2019. My life shifted on November 21, 2019. My divorce was finalized after 9 long years, and I was finally free!
When we let go of anything, the freedom we experience is like the weight lifted off our shoulders!
That is so very true, doesn’t matter what.
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Anne. How awesome that God confirmed your decision to let go of your resentment and forgive yourself with not one, but two rainbows. (I don't thing they were coincidental!) The first rainbow given by God in the Bible was to Noah after the flood to renew God's commitment to man. When I gave my heart to Jesus at a Billy Graham crusade in 1972 in Dallas Texas, a rainbow appeared over the Cotton Bowl Stadium where we were having a service in the rain! I don't think that rainbow was coincidental either and it has become a symbol of God's grace and love for me. Maybe when it's time for us to pass on, God will place a rainbow for our families to see so they know all is well with us and we are with our Heavenly Father. Thanks again for your story!
Jody, thank you so much for your words of wisdom and comfort. It truly had to be from God and not coincidental. I can honestly say that I've never experienced anything like this before. I love Billy Graham and so glad that you found Jesus at one of his crusades and that rainbow definitely was a symbol of God's grace. That's why that picture of the high arching rainbow is my Magic Painting.
I definitely think God talks to us -- in extraordinary ways. I call them "God Winks." (like when someone winks at you for reassurance -- to say everything is ok) We just have to watch & listen... I'm glad you saw Him in the rainbows.
He does and I believe if we listen a little harder we will hear him more.
Same here. Thank you. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. I'm glad I have those two pictures as the reminder!
We all must leave our comfort zone to face our fears, our shortcomings, our relationships that were unsatisfactory or unfulfilled but by doing so we are healing ourselves as well as healing others that we feel we may have hurt or wronged in some way
You are so right! Forgiveness is very hard for one to do, but it is so needed. Fortunately, my mother and I had a great relationship, but those feelings were the ones that I imposed on myself. It's a healing process.
Thank you, Anne, for sharing your beautiful story. You have helped me to remember to let go of resentments, that God is a God who forgives and restores and promises new hope every day. God bless you anew today.
Mary - thank you so much! If this gives one person encouragement, that blesses my heart so much! You brought so much joy to my heart just now. You were an answer to my prayer today! To be used by God to brighten someone's day is what is all about to me! To be used for his honor and glory! May God bless you today and in the coming years!
Beautiful, thanks for sharing
Thanks Delores!
Not only did God hear you Ann your mom heard you to. The rainbow also represents your mom.
You are so right! That was a day I will never forget! I am so blessed to have those two pictures as that constant reminder date and time stamped!
Such a moving story Anne. Thank you.
Thanks Barbara.
Graham, welcome into my heart. Last year with encouragement from you and Lynette (you both nudged me without knowing) I signed up for an online writing class that was based on writing and healing. As I approached the end of the class, I was also nearing the anniversary of my husbands death. In my deep stillness I re-lived his Final Six Days. Each of those last six days, I traveled back 8 years and allowed myself to see all the preciousness. My faith has been forever changed. I do not fear death because Jesus showed me so much glory as I walked that path with my husband. I was a guest at the party, so much revealed as we were surrounded by Glory, as I felt him ascending and felt and heard spirits welcome him. Thank you for encouraging me to look within. I have been cracked open the past few days, no words and utter stillness, I needed your message today, a gentle nudge. I will walk those days again, (Beginning March 21) not writing it, but reliving it. I know that I am suppose to share the experience, the written word. The pages are my sacred tablets. We never know how our words will affect another. Today, you were my messenger. My final days?…I will breathe in eternal life as Chuck arrives to escort me on the chrome go cart he built in his final day. (Part of the story) I guess, I would have said that I want to be surrounded by loved ones, but I have been shown that will happen. I think it is time to share my story. It is time to day by day, walk it with others. WHOSH! Thank you, dear one, as today our spirits aligned, nothing is coincidence. Awesome! Peace! Glory! Joy! Today, God sent a messenger, forever I Thank you!❤️❤️ God, Jesus and their Band of Angels love and protect us! TODAY AND ALWAYS!
Oh Connie you’ve got me crying! The image of Chuck escorting you home is so beautiful! How blessed you are to have known such ❤️. I have a band of loved ones waiting for me. Two Grandmothers, Two Grandfathers, 5 precious great Aunts, and my Aunt and Uncle who had the most beautiful and tragic love story I’ve ever heard. But it’s not the same. If I am to ever meet my other half, I pray they will be the one to go first when its time. I would rather shoulder the burden of being alone again than to cause them that pain. Love you to the moon and back Connie ❤️
Sweet Aimee! I know you are one of God’s favorites! Thank you for being there to so honestly share without judgement. It is not coincidence that our hearts have come together. I indeed love you to the moon and back - aliens and all!❤️❤️❤️
❤️💚👽💚❤️
So beautiful Connie. I feel the same about God's messenger being sent. When you know...you know.
Thank you Barbara! I am grateful and blessed. I will walk and live the journey again with a fresh heart and spirit. Love to you!
Beautiful!
Blessings to you Anne! ❤️❤️❤️
All I can say is Amen to your beautiful words!
Thank you Mary, I may take a leap of faith and post my story on Substack. 🙏
I hope you do, Connie.
Remember me
for I will not be dead until you have forgotten me…
Have I failed you in this life?
Have I failed myself in this life?
Caught in fears?
Entangled in judgments and patterns?
A moment of reflection before it is too late.
Yes, I have loved enough
Yes, I did what I could
to change what was in my power
Yes, I made a difference for someone
Yes, I gave the best of myself
to help build a world of connectedness
Yes, I took every opportunity to grow and danced with life
I want to feel all this
in my last moments
as I look my love in the eye,
hold his hand
and smiling realize that it was all good
Thanks Graham! I go for it!
i wish i could write like you. the words get jumbled up in my head. i feel like you wrote mine foe me though--- thank you
Beautiful!
Just beautiful, peaceful and fulfilling. You have a gift of expression!
One night the call came. The phone rang. Almost missed it. Put the phone to my ear. She talked. Slurred. Was this my mother? For a sliver of a second I questioned. Then it was over. It was she.
I struggled to understand the words denying any problem…. But I knew. With my other phone in hand I called to get an ambulance. Rushed to arrange a sitter. Drove the hour to get there.
The doctors said many things. Even now it’s a blur. Brain bleed. Massive stroke. Can’t move. Can’t talk. Can’t breath. Can’t eat. Might choke. Parade of white, green, blue unknowns in and out of the room.
Swarms of people saying many words the brain could not process. Needs a feeding tube. Can’t sit, stand, vacate bladder and more, more, more for many days…head swirling and confused not wanting to know but needing to know and hating to know.
Finally, no more hospital permitted -rush to find supportive nursing, translation: death watch. Wanting to talk. So much to say and no response from the woman who bore me, nourished me, cuddled me, loved me. Nothing but stare and struggle. My heart hurt.
Transferred to the death chamber never to emerge. Months by the bedside hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month. Infection after infection. On the cliff waiting. Then back again to more…waiting.
Talked. Read. Held hands. Cried. Hour after hour nothing else— not work left incomplete, not child left with sitters, not anything, just her and me marching to the inevitable.
One day, stop the antibiotics. This is not what she wants. Dignity is hers and it should not be prolonged. Decision to honor not hold on. She wills that though wordless, with her eyes. Needing to go though loving in grace.
Courage, strength, love, appreciation all allowed me to let go. This is not goodbye. This is know how I respect you. Know how much gratitude I have for the gifts of life and love you gave to me. Know I am with you and give you the gift of peace and release. Know that I LOVE YOU- to my mother.
————————
These were my immediate thoughts after reading your poem today Graham. My mother passed peacefully the ultimate gift I gave to her was not to kero her alive for me. 💜🙏🏻
You have helped many people today with your story today I'm sure Sherry. These decisions are crushing and contrasting to what we believe love is. You gave your Mom the ultimate gift of love. Amen.
Thank you Barbara. It took me a long time to forgive myself. Children should not have to decide such matters but really who else can? I did come to realize that I acted upon what I believed my mother would have wanted. Even though she couldn’t talk her eyes were pleading. Thank you for your words today. 💜🙏🏻
I can’t begin to imagine how difficult that was. You showed her how much you truly loved her though and that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing ❤️
This is the place for naked honesty for me. Thank you Aimee 💜🙏🏻
You so beautifully expressed your struggle as you released your mother to God and lovingly let her go. You will see her again and I know she will thank you for loving her so.
Thank you Mary. There are just a few pivotal moments in our lives when the impossible choices must be made. It was a torturous process both during and after. I appreciate you reaching out to me. I love this community. We are blessed. 💜🙏🏻
This poem hit me so hard this morning. Six years ago in June, my husband who had had Lou Gehrig's Disease for 6 years chose to go off the Ventilator. Knowing that his life would be ended, I will always feel he did it for me, to give me back a life. On that warm day in June, he laid in that bed here in our home, while our 3 adult children and 2 Hospice nurses looked on. He held my hand and I gripped on to his as he had no use of his limbs. They gave him the first of the morphine. They removed the ventilator. His eyes pierced mine and he just kept staring at me. His body fought the morphine, refusing to give up. I just kept asking if he was changing his mind, did he truly want to go off the vent. The nurses said that while it appeared he was watching me, he had too much medicine in his body to really know. I will always remember his last look at me, just staring at me. Graham, this was a tough one for me. Your poems always seem to hit so close to home. I know you were thinking of this a little differently than I was.
Such a hard decision for you to make to honor his wishes because of the finality of it all. Bless you for loving him so and having such courage. He knew you loved him, and he wanted his last picture here on earth to be of you.
That means so much to me. Thank You
God Love You Donna! I signed many DNR’s. My guy gave me the greatest gift, as yours did. They took the decision away from us, the choice was theirs. Blessings and peace to you!❤️
Those are the kinest words Connie. I have never looked at it that way. Thank You. ♥
Hi Donna you have so much strength. When he was looking at you he knew right then he could see you. It’s those times when he knew it was time to go and you would be ok. God works in ways we can’t comprehend. You will see him again I just know it.
Shari, thank you for these special words. They mean so much. ❤️
You are so blessed to have known such love. Bless you for supporting his wishes. Love you!
Thanks Aimee.
I have thought about the end of my life many times. How it will be when I close my eyes in the death. It is different for a Christian because you know where you are going. I believe that the moment your soul leaves your body you are in the presence of the Lord. I use to be afraid of dying and I didn't want to talk about it. Because it was something I didn't want to do. But now that I have this close relationship with the Lord I am no longer afraid. I know that I am going home and I will be at peace for eternity.l think about heaven and how much better I will be when I get there! Because there will no more sickness, no more death, no more pain, no more suffering, no more sorrow. It will be a perfect place. I think about what makes me happy down here and I multiply that x 10 and that is how much better that will be.
When that time comes the Lord will be with me and I know that he will because he promised. Life is like a vapor. Think about that!! Thank you Graham for this wonderful poem! It was very inspiring and made me think about my life and what it means to me. I love life and I want to enjoy it to the fullest!!! Like you said we don't know how long we have on this earth. So I want to spend as much time doing things I love and being with my family. I want to ask you a question. If you knew that you only had 24 hours left on this earth how would you spend it? I was asked that question once. My answer was I would spend it talking to God and telling my family how much I love them. I would tell them to not cry or be sad, to remember me with laughter. God bless you Graham. You inspire me so much and I look forward to getting your poems each week!! Love you Graham for all that you do!!!! 😊❤😇🥰
Carolyn, I am right there with you! Thank you for the reminder!
This was a very inspiring and beautiful writing. The second part open my floodgates and the tears flowed freely as I remembered my mother on The day she died. I was the youngest of six children and we had all been called to the hospital to say our goodbyes. We were all there except for one of us who had already passed many years ago, and we were crowded around her bed. I had always remembered one thing my mother had said to me growing up, love your Life And the live each day as it would be your last day. Have no regrets. And I remembered all of this as we were all crowded around her bed. Everyone left for a bite to eat except for me and my oldest brother and he was standing at the foot of her bed. My mother looked at me, called me by my name and told me I had been a good daughter. Then she looked at me and told me she had seen my dad(my dad had died 30 years prior to this time). And after this comment to me, she was gone. She lived to be 97 and she had been a wonderful woman and mother.
I hope that someday when my time Is over on this earth, that my children, grandchildren, and great grands and all my many friends will feel the same way about me.
Thank you so much for helping me remember a very good memory. You are a blessing to so many of us for such a young age that you are. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and we are all so blessed to call you friend and to learn and grow from you and your teachings.
Blessings!
Thank you Graham for this beautiful and very powerful poem. It takes me back to when my father passed away and also my mom. They were both surrounded by family and knew they were very much loved. I’ll always remember my father saying “I have lived wonderful life and I have no regrets”. They were both denied living to an old age. That’s why I never complain about getting older, maybe having grey hair or aches and pains, or whatever the case maybe. I’m only grateful to be here and to have my family close by. I can only hope when it’s my time to leave this world, I will have my family at my side and I can say “I have no regrets”.
A lovely story. I'm sorry for your loss. When my parents died, I thought a lot about my mortality. I think this could be a normal way to feel. I'm sure you're making the most of your life. All the best
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Thank you Christine.
Sorry for writing a novel, but there’s a purpose, I promise.
My Dad passed away on April 6, 2008. His only regret in life was getting sick and leaving us. His last coherent words were “You know, I never really did want to die.”
The world seemed slated against this man from the very beginning. From a young age he was bullied in horrible ways by others and by his older sister. He was forced to wear casts on his legs to correct issues with the tendons in his legs. At around 5 or 6 he dug a massive underground bunker and contracted a rare disease from the earth that almost killed him.
At a young age he joined a biker gang there in California. He also joined the military and went to Vietnam. I’m not entirely sure which of these came first.
He later married, and had a son. After an awful divorce, he was forced to give up his son for adoption. The mother didn’t want John and Dad knew he couldn’t give my brother the life he deserved. Dad couldn’t afford to feed himself on a mechanics salary, let alone a child. He never stopped loving John or looking for him.
Dad later met Mom. It was love at first sight, but Dad eventually ran. He was terrified after all he had been through. They ran into each other again 5 years down the road. Married on the flip of a coin, a coin my Dad learned to manipulate years before. He chose without choosing I suppose. The rest is my history…
I think about Dad the night he died. I wonder if he was remembering all his grand adventures, the good and the bad. He stared blankly at the wall and seemed to be listening to a voice only he could hear. We held his hand that night at 3am as he slipped away. He died way too young, but he lived the life he wanted to. He took chances, opened his heart despite fear and pain from his past. His only regret was something completely out of his hands.
That’s where I want to be in the end. I’m grateful to be out of my prison now before its too late. To start anew with an open mind and an open heart. My past is there, lingering a bit but it is a pale shadow of its former self and fading more each day. I’m just waiting on Gods’s timing and resting in HIS arms. I see myself in my last moments of a life well lived surrounded by my children and their children. Everyone gathered to bid their Lita goodbye. I would be at peace and completely ready. No regrets beyond leaving my loved ones behind because I lived the life I wanted and took the leap despite the fear. I would hope my soulmate would be waiting to walk me home just on the other side. To leave this world happy and at peace would make it all worth it.
Graham, I’m definitely going to write my own version of your poem. Thank you for that permission and for sharing your balance scale with us. Going to be thinking on this a lot 💚
Not everyone with your Dad's story has the same outcome of loved ones holding their hand at the end. He was able to make his "quilt" beautiful despite the torn and ragged pieces used to make it. He had whole beautiful patches to keep them together. May he rest in peace. Thanks Aimee for sharing.
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Aimee: you are full of joy and an irresistible sense of humor. Your father had a part in that I’m sure. Your story is poignant. What you’ve taken and learned from that will inform your future! I know from my personal experience I talked about in my comments here that being raw is so cathartic. I wrote my poem as you will pouring your heart onto the page. 💜🙏🏻
❤️❤️💚💚 I do get the majority of my sense of humor from my Dad. He was a funny guy ❤️
Wow Aimee! Powerful and beautiful!
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Thanks for sharing this beautiful story ✨
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What a beautiful share! I was there with my dad during his last hours, not even 6 months ago. I wonder what he was thinking. It was a blessing to be with him.
It was a blessing to be with my Dad as well when he passed. They called us in about 1am and I sped across town. I’ve never seen the roads as empty as they were that night.
Beautiful Graham and so thought provoking. As I come up on the two year anniversary of my husband's death, I am still amazed how friends and family comment on what a good person he was. He was fun, always thinking of others, always being positive. He did not waste time on gossiping or putting down others. He was always happy and always looking for ways to make me and our kids happy. I loved him, I miss him and now realize I want to be remembered like him.
They say the measure of a persons life here in this left is how they are remembered. Your memories of your husband and those of others are of all the very attributes he had which brought joy and delight into the lives of those he cared about. How wonderful! He is remembered in love as he lived in love. 💜🙏🏻
Thank you Sherry. ❤
He will always live in you.
I'm so glad you have your amazing memories to remember your husband with. Keep them close to your heart. 💖🙏
Graham, all I can say for now is that was a beautiful emotional poem. You are such a deep thinker, you always amaze me. At the point I am in my life now I realize I have lived more years than I have left to live. I try not to dwell on that fact , but it does creep into my mind at times. I live my life to the fullest and I thank God for good health and great family. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life. We never know when God will need us we just live one day at a time. REMEMBER none of us are promised tomorrow. Make the best of TODAY!!!! I absolutely love your work Graham. All or us here are grateful to have you in our lives. THANK YOU!!❤❤